Navigating a real estate agent’s creative bag of euphemisms, writes Bob Aaron, is key to cracking the code when searching for a home — like this handyman special with its low maintenance yard!
Real estate has always had its own special language — with plenty of euphemisms, creative descriptions, and healthy doses of poetic licence or wishful thinking.
I often marvel at the creativity used by agents in property advertisements, MLS listings and glossy brochures.
Understanding the code words used by realtors in promoting their dream properties is essential so buyers can make informed decisions in a new purchase.
I found my new personal favourite real estate term in an email I received last week promoting a $2 million Toronto sub-penthouse. Presumably the unit was directly below the real penthouse, but the term could readily be used to describe any similar unit below the top floor.
Here are some of my favourite real estate euphemisms:
Cosy, quaint, or compact: Normally these words mean small, but in real estate lingo it turns a 350-square-foot condo into something to brag about.
In the same vein, when a house or condo is described as intimate, it’s probably a code word for cramped.
Efficient use of space suggests tiny rooms. This phrase is a creative marketing spin to suggest livability.
Original owner suggests pride of ownership, but it might also mean there have been no upgrades since Pierre Trudeau was prime minister. Think shag carpet, lead pipes, asbestos insulation and a 60- amp electrical panel.
The same description might apply to fixer-upper or handyman’s special. These terms remind me of the 1986 Tom Hanks movie, The Money Pit, about the endless challenges of renovation.
Even more money will be required to upgrade a house described as needs some TLC (tender loving care), or bring your imagination. Think leaky roof, mould damage or crumbling foundation.
Whenever I see a listing using the phrases mid-century modern, retro charm or vintage features I inevitably think of 1970s avocado green kitchen appliances, and the 1950s pink bathroom fixtures that were in my house when I bought it.
A so-called character home may feature historical charm but it often comes with old wiring, outdated plumbing and possible code violations. At the same time, a great starter home may have fewer defects but limited features in a less desirable area.
Unlimited potential makes me think of the unlimited sums necessary to realize that potential.
When a house has an in-law suite, income potential, or basement apartment, the chances are it’s illegal and not up to current building, zoning or fire codes.
Neighbourhood descriptions can be quite creative. If it’s up and coming, it’s not yet a desirable area. A quiet street is probably a half-hour walk to a bus stop, while close to amenities could mean it’s beside the street car tracks, an open subway line, GO train or airport.
If the listing says some finishing required, the house probably has an incomplete renovation or addition, and may lack occupancy permits.
A low-maintenance yard can be too small to grow anything, and consists mostly of concrete, weeds or artificial turf.
When a house is described as an affordable alternative, there will inevitably be trade-offs for size, location or condition.
In today’s market, designer touches means a few cosmetic upgrades, while high-end finishes means surfaces and appliances have been upgraded from standard builder fare.
The language of real estate marketing is an art form.
Buyer beware is still the rule, and purchasers should always conduct careful due diligence.
Bob Aaron is a Toronto real estate lawyer . He can be reached at bob@aaron.ca . Visit his website at aaron.ca.